Lawrencia Ann Bembenek was a tall, striking young woman. She could have chosen nearly any career, but she wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps. He had briefly worked for the Milwaukee Police Department, and from a young age she wanted to become a police officer.

The youngest of three…

A good friend is taking the A-train to Portugal. I have a high school friend in Geneva, and I have a passport.

What else is necessary at this point? Tyranny is here, and I need an escape plan. Our horizons are shrinking and looking gloomy. A rough beast’s hour has come round and he’s chewing on the edges of democracy.

I won’t witness a real stolen election, especially considering if he’s “elected”…

At some point in life, you’ll realize your body is imperfect and begin a futile campaign to alter it so others will finally show you the respect you deserve.

Life is difficult and dieting is inevitable. Your passion for a beach-bod is normal, and thus you will pass through the…

I lay around on the couch most of the day. My husband cooked dinner, even though we eat different diets. I lounged on the front patio — which is my open garage door — watching the sun sink behind the pines.

I took the dogs for a short walk, and…

Dear Tourist,

I live in Hot Springs National Park, where you recently brought your family on vacation. All six of them. Kids of every age range, your dog, and your large American vehicle that barely fits into a parking space.

We are no Grand Canyon or Yosemite, but we like…

It’s an old story starring a woman whose inner supermodel also happens to be the loudest voice in her head. The bitch is constantly hungry and very judgy.

“Eat something, but don’t get fat! No, not that!”

Then the floodlights come up, and she stares wide-eyed into the audience, gets…

OPEN LETTERS

Dear Hidden Neighbor,

We’ve taken to calling you the Boo Radley house, but in a respectful way. While Boo had his share of issues relating to other people, he also turned out to be kind-hearted and Robert Duvall.

Sure, he scared the bejesus out of little kids, but his name…

Somewhere in the swirl of massive dietary advice known as the 21st century, we’ve invented a cornucopia of wacky, half-baked, wrong-headed diet tips. We are better off reverting to what grandma told us: “Don’t snack, it’ll ruin your appetite for dinner.”

The following list includes advice that is still promulgated…