Who am I, why am I here … and why have I had so many jobs? — I’m a deep thinker from way back. As a small child, I recall wondering, for example, why my first grade teacher was so unhappy. Her name was Mrs. Sullivan and she didn’t seem to like first-graders. Since then, I’ve discovered that teaching is a profession that can make it difficult…

It’s mostly making right-hand turns — Most old people are still in shock that they’ve gotten old. This is particularly true about guys between the ages of 71 and 78. Conversations revolve around things they used to do easily but now find themselves avoiding, usually with a chuckle. Once you crest 80, the shock wears off…

The alt-alt-alt medical care maze — You’ve heard of concierge care. That’s when you pay a big chunk of change for individualized care, which boils down to sidestepping the stress and strain of the American medical-insurance industrial complex. Your concierge doctor will have recently written a book, and probably has an attractive web portal. Concierge care…

It’s grim when you consider returning the baby to the stork — The key to overcoming a terrible night of sleep is to pretend it never happened, which is hilariously profound because it didn’t. I should just get to it, my complaints and rants, and the terrible injustices poured upon me by life from a cauldron a tepid, evil syrup. If you…

Being less annoyed would be the pinnacle of my existence — Among the dubious teachings my parents handed down was the idea of preparation. I was taught to be prepared for life, morning, noon, and night. It has served me in some ways but also made me uptight, overly punctual, and rigid. I appear mellow but that’s just an act because…

I took note of what the kids are wearing, and then I started thinking — Captain Picard could pull it off, but the rest of us are too lumpy and lazy. I’m talking about stretch clothing, first made possible via Star Trek (1966-forever) and worn by people of the future. We don’t know what magical synthetic fabric it was, but one look at the bridge…

It’s only a place inside — It’s a familiar feeling, driving around for two errands and then doing four. The traffic is thick, the noise constant, and the strip malls offer fast food, nail salons, and new, hip restaurants that roll by the car window in a blur. The car feels too big for the parking…

It’s January so we are all going to lose weight in 2023 — My sister is pivoting again. She is doing Whole 30. I am familiar with the diet wars because I was overweight for fifty years of my life, but she is newer to the trenches, putting on the pounds in middle age. I can recite the basic tenets of the Mediterranean…

Surprise me with diamonds, not highway lodging — No one wants to meet a weirdo on the road, especially after dark. By the same token, quirky lodging is why we love motel chains. Originality in an acquaintance is fun; in an overnight stay, it’s best avoided. I’m perpetually happy to be off the ground, not camping next to…