BAD SANTA RULES

Everything I Hate About Christmas

And pretty much all the other fall and winter holidays

It’s winter. Put some clothes on and stop overheating your house! Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

I want to be a person who likes the holiday season, but I am not. Like many other fruitless endeavors, I’ve lived a hollow life punctuated with a stubborn refusal to change. I can’t let go of my ill-conceived campaign to swoon at Christmas decorations and clap my hands whenever I hear a tired rendition of Little Drummer Boy.

This year, I’ve decided to come clean and stop trying to enjoy the soulless frenzy of mass consumerism and naked extroversion that stretches from October 31 to January 1st.

The first step to being honest is to speak my truth: I’d rather be tossed into a pit of giant centipedes than endure the holiday “season”.

I’m pretty sure Charles Dickens and his impish Tiny Tim are to blame. I know Tiny Tim was make-believe yet he is an enormous, nightmarish presence, sporting unrealistic good cheer. Dickens spread the message that Christmas is all about loving your fellow man, yet how can I do so when the holiday season brings out the worst in me — and others?

I feel in many ways the so-called “holiday season” works for a very specific person…