I personally find the most stressful aspect of being autistic/ADHD is an inability to belong. Although my husband accepts me, and my family of origin is kind -- if not close -- I've struggled my whole life with finding a tribe, group, organization, or club where I feel comfortable, valued, and have a fulfilling role. I couldn't find it at work, I've never had kids (and seriously doubt I would've felt it with other mothers), and even at my very accepting, quirky UU church, I feel psychologically unsafe. I feel gaslit by other neurodivergent women, who don't know they are neurodivergent, or who use HSP as a badge of honor. I've tried 12-step groups but I'm not an addict--rather, I'm an addict without the right drug. I'd love to feel like I belong somewhere--and it's not like I haven't tried. I hang out with a group here called OWLs, they are "old wise lesbians." They are mostly in their mid-sixties and up. I'm 58 and I'm not a lesbian and that's the best I've got. I'm tired of being on the outside looking in. I'm thinking about becoming an artist, telling everyone I'm an artist, or both.