I've been on both sides. When I think about it, most of my friendships have been fake -- either because someone liked me who I was indifferent to (or didn't like,) or because I found someone willing to be friends with me. I had friends by proximity when I was a kid, and I miss that because the more I "try" to make friends, the worse it usually works out. In high school, I was often the "charity" case but didn't realize it. Even with friends, I felt lonely but I didn't recognize the feeling. The only real friends I've had were my best friend from childhood and my husband. Other people like me superficially, and briefly--just like you--yet I have to keep up a performance for them (which I do, out of habit). Those same people who like me superficially hate me when I have real emotions, need help, or talk about suffering.